Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
