so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
