So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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