Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
