if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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