You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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