If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
im holly from the hills drunk
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
