I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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