I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize