I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
