I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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