he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize