So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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