i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize