The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize