So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
