K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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