My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
