I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
