that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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