We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
