that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
