all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
