She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I did not marry a roomba.
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