He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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