Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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