eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
