Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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