Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
