He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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