well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
