Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
