Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
