He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
