Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
