So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize