I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
it glows. i had to have it.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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