So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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