great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
