Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
