what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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