woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
