Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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