he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
