I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
