if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
