She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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