There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
