I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
