"it" just moved
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
