I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
barbara walters just said penis...
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
