He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
