mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
