If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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