69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
