He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
