Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Your penis caused this!
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