I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
