She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
