Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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