1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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