I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
