i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
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