I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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