I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
why do cheetos always look like penises
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
