remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
